Living The Blanks

Too confused to reveal out the things that are keeping me alone with a low note, but this is an expected thing to happen as M reading another book by Paulo. Not that his writing make me to feel down, but it gets me in the touch with real me, the one I am, somewhere hidden behind the weary and unwary curtains of professional life and my dream world. Once, when I used to read his books, I used to think that he is the one who speaks my mind... now, whenever I read his thoughts, my quest to search the answers detaches me from all the happenings around me, as if someone inside of me is watching every moment I am spending. I no longer want to let myself to be lost in the seconds that gets disappeared or in the noise of outside and inside struggles, but I want the Time to take control of me so that I can see if I rise from the ashes that I have got turned into or do I lie there with inheriting restlessness.


If I have to define goal of my life, I would say achieving Peace and Love.
Peace can only be momentary if it depends upon any of the exterior component like work, people, activity. Although I used to feel peaceful while finishing up my work at office or when I spend quality time with my loved ones. But eventually that gives rise to desire to do more work or spend more of the quality time; and once the desire finds a place to peek in, peace cannot last.
And love... to be loved, one must love the self. Whats the point in complaining that one is not getting loved enough in the way one deserves to, while one is not loving self in the same way... forgiving oneself for all the misdeeds and adoring for one's own charms. Without having the love for self within, love cannot be given; for we can give only the things we have and hence even when we think that we deserved to be loved, we can't get enough of it coz everyone is living in the same illusion and blaming everything around that can be found to set responsible for not getting loved... while the problem resides inside of us.
Wondering if I am blaming myself just to quick find any solution... I am not... I just taking a stand to say- "I refuse to be a victim and I take responsibility of everything.

Have you ever wondered, there is a pause between the words when we say something or a blank between the words when we end writing one word and proceed with writing the next. This pause or blank makes those words meaningful and this blank is not controlled by anyone, not even by the one who is creating it... but someone more powerful than anyone else; the motion of the hand or pitch of the voice is never in a repetitive state during these blanks, that proves that these blanks are not controlled by us even though we are the one who creates them.
I wonder, if I have been living these blanks since a long time or its just that a blank have been created to let me find a vivid picture of my existence.